Contortion Fan Gifts

'You've got to give up these escape attempts,'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Come on in. The water’s fine!" "Hmm! What’s wrong with this picture?!"

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"You've changed."

"We fell for this last time remember..."

SWAT Team (going in to catch a fly).

"The court granted me a new identity!"

Drusilla realised how different her boss looked now they met after hours.

Viggo Mortensen

Old-fashioned computer

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

Alberto Giacometti.

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

'You should have seen me when I was a caterpillar!'

John's invention of a 'motorised' bar stool proved to be great fun.

Miguel Ferrer

Transformation of Man into Monster.

Gym/Tan/Donut

"And then, having shaped up, he shipped out."

Shelton takes an ill-fated flight on his plug-in heli-pack.

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Frittering a Banana by Electricity.

Musician hurts his nose.

Bummer about your claustrophobia, Ted.

What brings you to Canada? None of your beeswax. Border. Business, pleasure, asylum or melodrama? Huh? Our newest category. Donald Trump eats kittens! Ashton Kutcher. Melodrama, next!

Ellis K., Appliance Faith Healer

Frederick Robinson

'It's a Marimba!'

Mirror Image

Keep students on their toes...

Brancusi.