Continental Comic Gifts

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

I fart more than that!

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."