Contact Sport Champion Pillows

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Couples' therapy

Teamwork

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

WHO checklist

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

'I told you she could get them all in under a minute. Now pay up.'

"Another world record - it must be faster water."

"After they've had hell beaten out of them they'll enjoy playing in Heaven."

Football Violence

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'It's a symbiotic relationship. That lineman can crush quarterbacks with his bare hands...'

Jigsaw puzzle shaped speech balloons.

'He had been like this since he broke his nose.'

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"Oi!"

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

Dangerous Pole Vaulting

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."