Contact Sport Enthusiast Pillows

'Professional ice hockey is banning hits to the head...players may now back into each other when leaving the NHL parking lot.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Football Chameleon

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

"How should we divide the teams?"

Ratminton

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

A day at the transgenic races

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Gary turns 40.

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Raheem Sterling

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'