Consulting Critique Lover Gifts

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Jacques et Jille

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

Nutty Assistants

Blame the Victims

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.

Fake Diplomas

Hosni Mubarak blinks

"I did my job, I grabbed my pile, and yet no voice at eventide has cried 'Well done!'"

"Ugh... Jerry Saltz is totally junking up my feed again."

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

"Do you mind if I put this on instagram?"

'Britishness Test.'

"I'm pleased to announce we've developed a new drug that's remarkably effective in generating profits."

"Our management consultant has recommended we employ another management consultant to explore cutting the budget we have for management consultants."

'You're husband's death is an absolute tragedy, it's going to play havoc with my monthly mortality targets.'

"Well, the x-rays show you have a little arthritis in your hands, but mostly they're just poorly drawn."

This must be the top management floor.

'They always off the mom.'

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

A mortgage based on your income would be about £120000 but if we take into account the size and voluptuousness of your breasts then the figure would be nearer £400000.

"The technique is good, but somehow I feel that the artist didn't take enough time observing the subject."

Time for a Raise

'What's this nonsense about you not having enough time to go to the toilet?'

'..and finally we come to a problem that can be solved by throwing money at it...'