Comical Critique Lover Gifts

Image Consultant

"I don't think a trip to Las Vegas is the best prize for the raffle."

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Minority Report

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

Jacques et Jille

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

A Failiure to Communicate

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

Rodin's Irish Judge

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

'The footprints in the cheesecake were inconclusive, but my DNA was all over the peanut butter pie.'

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

Nutty Assistants

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"Thank you all for attending this first conference of the surveillance camera recording industry."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'