Connoisseur Of High-end Cuisine Gifts

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"How's the salmon?"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Quick swig first?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"