Connected Conversationalists Gifts

"So, what have you been up to on your phone?"

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

Communication

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Nick, are you listening or just buffering again?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'