Connected Congregation Gifts

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Online Dating

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"My computer just texted me."

Technological Dependence.

Drive-thru Church

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

Midwest Winter Items.

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Nativity - The sitcom

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

Jesus swept.

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

"Mum says can she borrow a cupful of jelly babies?"

"A quiet, romantic table for two – not that it’ll do any good."

Today's Sermon: Are You Praying Or Just Looking At Your Phones?