Connected Cleric Gifts

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Golfing Bishop.

Text Culture

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Cellphone Islands

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

A child interrupting family prayers

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Online Dating

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"