Canine Cleric Gifts

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

Excommunicate Me.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

Good Dog!

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks