Connected Congregation T-Shirts

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Online Dating

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Technological Dependence.

"My computer just texted me."

Drive-thru Church

Midwest Winter Items.

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

Nativity - The sitcom

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Jesus swept.

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

"Mum says can she borrow a cupful of jelly babies?"

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"