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'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Bored-again Christians.

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"As it says in Matthew 26-40, 'So, you had not the strength to stay awake with me ONE hour?'"

'Reverend, my husband didn't make it to church today. Could I have a list of the sins you mentioned in your sermon?'

Today's Sermon: Are You Praying Or Just Looking At Your Phones?

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

'Put it back. This isn't a 'Take a Penny, Leave a Penny' dish.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Midwest Winter Items.

Something To Wear To Church

Nativity - The sitcom

'Just to clarify IOU's do not qualify as a tithe!'

"Then God said, 'sorry you have to eat and run'."

"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"You two seem oddly suited."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Drive-thru Church

Glyndebourne

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."