Group Gathering T-Shirts

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Hi-yah!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The prying mantis,

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

The devil you know and his plus one

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"