Confrontations Gifts

Meat eating man faced with gigantic chicken

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Very Difficult Conversations

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"How about a hand."

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

'Sorry, what was that?'

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"Don't preted to hibernate when I'm talking to you."

Before birds and bees,

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

Teddy, do you know why I'm here? Want to, umm, ask me anything? So! That wraps it up! How did your "birds and bees" talk go? I answered all his questions.

'I'm afraid I don't see a future with Brent, he still calls them 'freedom fries'.'

Frequently Asked Questions

"I could've been interesting, original and creative - but I decided to get an iPhone instead..."

"You know why men die earlier than women? Because they can."