Confession Confidant Gifts

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Time for tea and friendship.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

Wearing bras in 2020.

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'Admit it, Crawford, this fish was already dead when you caught it!'

"Awesome! I hope you don't mind me re-tweeting this sicko stuff."

"I think you may need to start seeing me twice a week for a while."

"If anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

Dog Confession

'Papi, kids at school are saying Nora and I are illegal...'

Rudy, please stop live blogging everything you do. On verge of argument. I'd hate the world to know our most intimate secrets. Sharing is what it's all about. For instance, I'd hate them to know that if you don't stop live blogging you'll never get any nookie. Now where were we? Capitulating.

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

The Sadie Cohen Radio Hour presents: A True Confession. After days of denials, I can no longer keep the truth from my fans. There was a point several years ago where I showed kindness to rudy. I ask your forgiveness. Am I the only one having trouble following.

'Idiot.'

"Pity Party alumni."

'Of course I can keep a secret, but not for very long.'

Vinyl Analysis

Chef's Confession

"Everybody wants to tell me their problems, but they aren't the least bit interested in my problems."

The Trouble With Kings

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

'You are so homophobic.'