Conference Speakers Gifts

'Any questions?'

"Feel free to use it. It's an emergency escape hatch if you say something controversial."

'I read the paper you gave at the Iceland Conference on my way to the Hawaii Conference.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Campaign for Plain English

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

The interested bystanders.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Changing Minds

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

Conference Pears

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'And in conclusion.'

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?

Communication Breakdowns

"We tried six speakers, then twelve, and finally we put in the Pittsburgh Symphony, yet we still feel something is lacking."

Chaos Theory Conference.

John couldn't help but think that his team had a different perspective on the event than he did...

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'