Conference Speaker Gifts

Communication Breakdowns

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

'To sum up, today's business world can be divided into 2 categories: companies that get it, and companies that don't!' 'Get what?' 'Make that 3 categories.'

"Yes, what time is lunch, and is the beer free?"

'Should have shook hands...' - 'Should have bowed...' - 'Should have read the keynote...'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

"Heredity and environment play a role but what really shapes who you are is tax policy."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

IV Coffee Drip

Santa Claus Always Delivers

'He's the kind of guy who sucks all the bandwidth out of a room.'

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"When I said tart up the presentation, I meant the slides..."

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

'I think he's given up on the clicker altogether.'

Man at Medical Waste conference says - 'Hello?'

OK? Who threw the Y fronts?

A man giving a speech at the "Umpteenth Annual Convention".

One reference to 'Spaceship Earth' and I'm out of here.

'I'll have to finish this lecture on time management next week. We've run out of time.'

"Do you ever feel like every TED Talk winds up being about the same thing?"

Wake up, Don. You're TED talking in your sleep again.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

They hated me.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

The interested bystanders.