Conference Kingpin Gifts

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

7th Monkey Business Conference: 'Thanks, but I don't need the microphone: I'm a howler monkey...'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Inclusive speech

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Mr. Blok goes bowling.

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Will work for Food Network.

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Let me present today's speaker.'

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

'I think it's past its sell-by date.'

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?

Chaos Theory Conference.

'Pick a business card.'

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,