Condom Collector Gifts

Retrospective contraceptive.

'I know you burn easily, Howard, but you look ridiculous walking around with that condom on!'

Hi, I'm here with a little something from your druggist.

"The vampire can come... I'm prepared!"

Servicemen.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

The Grecian Bend - Women's Fashion

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

A Rifle Competition in the North

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

'New in town, hey? Let me show you a great condo tower.'

As you like it - One way of catching fish

Count Von Moltke.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

Sergeant Stripes

First aid: A wizard has a bandage on his finger with turban on it.

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'Oh Darling, I just love the smell of your new aftershave...'

Your husband will love this cologne. It has that new car smell.

Minor Surgery

Work clothes.

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

'Dad, I've got two more chargers for you to store.'

Afro comb farmer - "That's a fine looking afro comb you're growin there, Jeb."

"People are O.K., but I prefer little pieces of string."

'Call for back-up.'

'A cocoon? Boy, he is having a mid-life crisis!'

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

Forklift truck