Condition Comedian Pillows

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Extreme miming"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"I always put things off until the last minute."