Condiment Comedian Pillows

'Dont worry; that's not a ketchup stain. It's just blood.'

'I'm just not keen.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"States of tofu"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Chez Nous Menu

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

Cookbooks

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Ninja bread men"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Two vegans, please."

Honest Vending

"Is the MSG local?"