Comedian Of Cuisine Pillows

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"States of tofu"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

Chez Nous Menu

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Soup of the month.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ninja bread men"

Cookbooks

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'