Comedian Of The Kitchen Pillows

"I took the last of the leftovers to stave off cannibalism."

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"States of tofu"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Chez Nous Menu

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

'Like death by salad.'

Night of the Latkes

"Would you like some wings?"

"Ninja bread men"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Cookbooks

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'