Cooking Comedian Pillows

'Every traditional country kitchen needs an aga like this... It's perfect for keeping the microwave in.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'Can you do it over easy?'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Croc pots 40% off.

'I think I preferred your meals before I discovered fire.'

"Egg Beater"

A man with a pancake on her head

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"States of tofu"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Chez Nous Menu

Soup of the month.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"That's it. We’re toast."

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

"Ninja bread men"

"Would you like some wings?"