Cooking Comedians Pillows

'I asked Tom to stop and pick up some chicken stock - he came home with 5,000 shares of Tyson.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

6 Brothers Falafel

Soup of the month.

Chez Nous Menu

"That's it. We’re toast."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

'Like death by salad.'

Night of the Latkes

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Cookbooks

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."