Concussion Awareness Advocate Gifts

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

It's just not the same since we instituted the concussion protocol.

Vlad the Inhaler

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Must you always point out my floss?'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part Five

Bubbling

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"It's not so much riding off into the sunset as it is heading west till my asthma improves."

"Then, my arthritis..."

I think I pulled something.

Sewer Rats

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

"In some ways it'll be a relief when the obesity time-bomb does finally go off."

Doping

"We're seeing a lot of these Dancing with the Stars type injuries at the moment."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

'-and remember,under any circumstances, NO extra time!'

The woodpeckers are just sitting there. That's the new concussion protocol.

A FAREWELL TO ARMS ERNEST HEMINGWAY

National Asthma Society Parade

"The Hendersons say they've got Covid. Is that still a thing?"

'Yeah - baseball, football and hockey...got concussions in all of them.'

"Cowabunga! Guess whose arthritis just kicked in? Advanced age, mutant ninja turtles"

'Are you willing to release your medical records?'