Concussion Awareness Advocate Pillows

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

Vlad the Inhaler

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

Bubbling

'Must you always point out my floss?'

"It's not so much riding off into the sunset as it is heading west till my asthma improves."

"Then, my arthritis..."

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

Sewer Rats

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

Doping

"In some ways it'll be a relief when the obesity time-bomb does finally go off."

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

'-and remember,under any circumstances, NO extra time!'

National Asthma Society Parade

"The Hendersons say they've got Covid. Is that still a thing?"

A FAREWELL TO ARMS ERNEST HEMINGWAY

"Cowabunga! Guess whose arthritis just kicked in? Advanced age, mutant ninja turtles"

'Yeah - baseball, football and hockey...got concussions in all of them.'

'Are you willing to release your medical records?'

'Now look what you've done!! You've aggravated my CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME!!'

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'