Advocate For Awareness Pillows

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

Zika global alert

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Bubbling

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

Olympic flame sending postcard - 'Wish I wasn't here.'

Sewer Rats

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol, triglycerides, and ego are all too high.'

"In some ways it'll be a relief when the obesity time-bomb does finally go off."

"Light at the end of the tunnel!|

'Reinventing myself.'

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

'Why missionary-themed!restaurants 'usually fail.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

Opium Den 2019

"The Hendersons say they've got Covid. Is that still a thing?"

'Just look on the positive side Mr. President - you've single-handedly united the world!!'

'Are you willing to release your medical records?'

"Staff, we're having a Cinco de Mayo sale this year!"

'Whoa, hey, guys! Where are you going?! I was just brushing my teeth, see!'

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'

"For Hispanic Heritage Month, we have a special project! With these chips and cheese, we're gonna make nachos!"

"I say give the public what it wants."

Drug-Free Zone ... Except For Junk Food.

"Oooh, no - I couldn't have another slice of carrot cake, Mabel - not with my irritable bowel the way it is..."