Computer Salesman Gifts

"It's very user-friendly, once it gets to know you."

'Technology can be addictive. If the above is familiar - get help.'

'Now, with this system you can do the equivalent of running a steel mill - keeping track of the quality of the ore, domestic and foreign orders, smelting processes...'

'Never mind dual processors, 128 MB ram, vista professional, and 200MHZ...How much porn can I put on it?'

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

'I thought an applet was a small piece of fruit.'

Net Etiquette

"Why the extra bit on the screen?"

"The difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman is a car salesman knows when he's lying."

'Why wait for evolution? Get your intelligence now.'

Used computers: 'This one was owned by a guy who lost a lot of weight and bought a lap top.'

STRIP Hambone: Forecasting inflation

'If this can be run by a 4 year old, why wasn't one included?'

'This baby is all natural and organic, so you don't need to suffer any techno anxieties.'

Computers - Are you sure a laptop is what you want?

'Something with a lot of memory -- I need it to figure out my phone bill.'

Colin liked to keep up with the very latest technologies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Larry's used art

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Lethal Presentation

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

The Salesman

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."