Computer Sales Representative Gifts

'Are ye daft, mon? -- A Macintosh, o' course!'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

'Now I know why they threw in the printer for free. It's only got a resolution of one dot per 8 12 inches.'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

"You're never home."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

Brick Salesman

'I knew I shouldn't have shown a pie chart so close to lunch.'

'Trevor was the first rep at the office to have a portable computer.'

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

Corporate Darwinism

and this little light starts blinking when your computer becomes obsolete

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."

"Our problem is we upgraded everything in the new version except the hype."

The manufacturer tried giving the virtual assistant a male voice...but it never listened to a thing you said and forgot anniversaries and birthdays."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

Fresh off the boat and dazed by the tropical sun, Bert falls prey to the sales-rep devouring Giant Mushroom of Indonesia.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

"How about moving in a little closer?"

'Well done! I've never heard anyone slip from jargon into gibberish and out again with such ease!'

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'Wow, thanks for putting it into context. My 42-inch plasma really is obsolete.'

Seven deadly sins store

"They fired me...but how was I to know that human businesses don't hunt and eat their clients??"

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

'Yeah, we do cloud storage.'

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."