Computer Comedians Pillows

Dating computers.

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Terry had a computer bug.

Hardware and software

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Giggle.

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

To begin, click on the bread crumb icon.

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

#NoJunk

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

Religion and technology.

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

A frat party at an online university

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

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