Compulsive Comparer Gifts

#If every time I buy something, you tell me where I could've got it online cheaper...I'm taking that phone away!'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Miss America IQ Pageant

"The overthinker"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"His father came from a family of climbers."

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

Book store has a book called 'Mind Games,' which is floating magically in the air.

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

"As far as form following function, it's a brilliant design for a business center."

Brain Bomb Detector

"What are we watching? I don't know. Some show on short attention spans."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

"… and a big shout-out to my hippocampus, without which I wouldn’t be standing here saying words."

"How learning curves feel... Before: Holy hell During: I'm not gonna make it! After: That wasn't so bad! The next time: Again?!!"

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

Shopping Torture

"Those are my medals in mental gymnastics."

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

Pavlov's dog (under a bell).

'We're all just pawns! Pawns dammit! Pawns in a stupid game!'

'I think you need to work on your frontal lobes.'

"The truth is, humans aren’t smart enough to know how intelligent we are."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

Brain Crash

Alzheimer's Disease

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

Man with a big question

"Instead, I went with an ingratitude list."