Confident Comparer Gifts

"No, don't worry about it, it definitely looks better on you."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Busy man, busy life, busy shirt.

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

"His father came from a family of climbers."

Ego Increasing School

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"As far as form following function, it's a brilliant design for a business center."

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!' 'Will he have new credit cards?'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

The Return of Guarded Optimism

'I must admit, I do look good in stripes.'

"It makes me feel better about myself."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

'You don't look like your passport photo.'

'I need something that will raise my energy level but not my self esteem - I'm already full of myself.'

'Swimwear taketh away. Footwear giveth back.'

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

"I'm trying to be myself and you're not helping."

"Who cares if you misspelled a word on the blackboard? Tell you what...next time you spell a word, spell it right, turn around, and yell, 'Boom, baby!'"

'Hey, come on -- You've got to believe in yourself!'

Stage hand has cigars ready.

You've been in there for quite a while, little buddy. Everything all right? Go away, Randy! Randy's rule #896: A confident person doesn't get tinkle-shy just because there's a long line waiting for him or her to finish. Still here. Go away!!!

Confidence.

Apples and oranges

'Do you think these jeans make me look fat? Be honest!'

What's the Difference between a Trump Rally and a Public School? Politics.

'Let's start by determining the type of person you are. Are you upfront, or do you give off subtle signals?'

"Maybe I should just comb it back and get really good at sex."

'Uh-oh, I think my saddle's on backward. . . No wait, I'm not wearing a saddle.'

"You know, Ben, it's really cute how secure you are in your sexuality."

Soaring is the only way to fly

Memoirs