Comprehension Crusader Gifts

'About half the students increased speed and lost some comprehension. The other half increased comprehension but lost some speed.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Are you sure you want to present your ideas in the form of an airplane?"

"We thought this was more realistic."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

One way only.

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

Creativity 2.0

Racial Profiling

I love being right.

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

Kate's first task as new principal was to right a number of wrongs.

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

Louis Pasteur Caricature

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

'We lost funding.'

Let the profit-making begin!

"Luckily, these new life rafts come with a phone, charger and a cell tower."

Union and Non-Union Carpenter Ants.

"Painting was her love, but framing was her passion."

Blogger's Block: 'I'm all nouned out.'

Broadband is Near

Big Brother Attacks Your Brain,

The Human Stain.

'I am Evelyn Frank, and this is my husband, brutally.'