Compounding Connoisseur Pillows

"If you aren't adverse to risk, I can put you in an attractive Ponzi scheme."

Felix Mendelssohn

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Too much concealer?"

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Mayo-A-Mayo

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

Bleak House

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'When I grow up, I want to be just like you.'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Anton Bruckner.

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

The Very Best of JOHN DOE

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

"Needs ketchup."