Compost Critic Gifts

"Compost? I say it's manure, and I say the hell with it!"

No Elgar!

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

"Mulch madness"

'Worms? Have you tried Snyder's mulch pile?'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Bird nesting in the garden.

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

The stuff of Legend.

The Mafia Goes Green.

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

Gone to seed.

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

'Please tell me you didn't pay for that stuff.'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

"Leftover seeds."

'I find that an hour in the compost pile provides my minimum daily requirement of everything.'

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

October: Brush all leaves into a neat pile to rot. They will make valuable plant food.

'I just love eating organic food.'

'We'll have a job finding another gardener as dedicated as old Tom.'

Gardener's Calendar: January - Look for some out-of-the-way corner and start your compost heap.

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

'You want to insure it? --Just exactly what are you implying, buster?'

'Only carrots. I thought there would be a choice.'

Hey, Agatha. I've got some hot stuff for you. Nana? Take a look. Wow! Grade-A product. Thanks. Umm