Complicated Relationship Status Pillows

"Thank goodness, it's just my boyfriend. For a minute there, I thought it was my husband!"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

DIY marriage counseling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

'How long have you been fighting?'

Relationship Issues.

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."