Tumultuous Relationship Pillows

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'Your place or mine?'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

Dating the efficiency expert.

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Too Weird to Have a Husband

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

Church Drive-Thru.

'He says he needs his own space.'

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'

'Can we wrap up this argument? I've just thought of another one.'

Gloria called

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"And what's the nature of today's visit?"

'I'm waiting for him to call, so that I can ignore him.'

'I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!'

"Surely not zero tolerance?"

"He sounds like a papaya I bought that just went straight from green to rotten."

"Call me when you've learned how to have an adult relationship with your apartment."

'Just what kind of girl do you think I am?'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'