Compliance Manager Gifts

'We updated our privacy policy.'

The Dilemma of a Whistle Blower

And this is our new manager in charge of compliance

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

Panama Papers Scandal

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

AI Safety Officer

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."