Compliance Officer Gifts

"I thought it was legal-I wrote it on a legal pad."

'Unfortunately, the paper trail led to the shredder.'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'It's a thin dividing line,Johnson. Let's just ignore it.'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'

'...the new investing regulations...'

'...Therefore, we're in complete compliance with all federal guidelines.'

'And this is Mr Whittingstall...He's in charge of compliance.'

'Fancy a cup of tea?'

'All these regulations take the fun out of capitalism.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

"It was WORSE than guilty! - The jury found me NONCOMPLIANT!"

"It's not all bad. We still have enough cash for bribing the prison guards."

'How can it be insider trading if a little bird told me?'

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

Have a Box - the red contains a whistle which you can blow before the securities and exchange commission. The blue one has a bonus, which you can take home and spend.

'The new hidden cameras will allow us to see if anyone is violating our privacy policy by reading someone else's email.'

'Your company raised the red flag when you purchased the super duper paper shredder.'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

'I'm just running this past legal.'

'I'm not going to lie to you. We've been having our share of legal problems.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

"Yeah, Eddie, but think about it this way - We don't have to comply with ANYTHING!"

"Give me a couple years, and I can answer your simple question about the new regulations."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

'They call it 'evolution' - It's some kind of new compliance plan.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Bless me, Father, for I am out of compliance...."