Competitive Cousins Gifts

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Polygamists' Picnic

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Am I through to the next round?"

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

"Act your birth order!"

Olympics create interest in curling.

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

Scraper Biking, Manhattan, Spring, '95

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'Wait a minute! I think our line has been tapped.'

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

'Stop crying or Mom will think we're not having fun!'

'MOM! -- Samantha called me names in her diary!'

"How many times do I have to tell you to quit going through your little brother!"

Technically, no, dear, your brother isn't plagiarizing you. ABC. ABC.

'Mom! - Jeffrey just said a DADDY word!!'

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

Squash Partners.

"Mom always liked you best."

'How do you figure?'

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

Trick Number 9: plant valuables in his room...in case you need a reason for a quick getaway.

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."