Competitive Couple Gifts

'He's been poaching for forty years and she couldn't take it any more.'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Tension filled the tent.

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Toothbrush Romance

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

Danth battle?

Workplace Shinanigans

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Office Competitions

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'What a control freak!'

A report on one-upmanship in TV newscasts.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"I quit."

Hat Wars.

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

'There goes Finley...turning pro.'

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'This is doing your chances of winning the 'Golden Paper Clip' award no harm at all!'

'I won a prize for being the school swot. I killed more flies than anyone else.'

Skateboard Olympics.

"I don't get it. If he's no faster than me, how come he always beats me?"

A Man mixing up his sports.

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Obedience School Spelling Bee