Competitive Card Slinger Gifts

"Oh for heaven's sake, Charlie, just let them have the bid!"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

Meet the author

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Oog is an expert at throwing stones at things - he's a "rock-it" scientist.

Freedom

Whatever!

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

'Shh, Ben's running it right to us. That's his 'I've got everything under control' howl.'

Pianist-boxer

So you've lost your journalism job. Yep and my freelance contracts. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Free distribution of information is driving publishers out of business. I can't compete against thousands of free blogs. Twenty years I spent learning to be a professional journalist and I'm a dinosaur. What'd you say? I was reading Gawker. Shoot me.

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

"Love the tie, Chad—that is so pimp!"

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Skywriter's Block

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

"Yeah, that's right...ignore me, pal! You don't want an instrument of my excellence and awesomeness that would instantly make you a chick magnet and the envy of all your friends!..."

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

Stock Market - Bull vs Bear

"You're a writer? But what do you do for money?"

The Cartoonist's armoury

'It's not enough that you want to publish it, you must beg for it.'