Compensation Comic Gifts

"I thought you were nearly well enough to leave."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'It's a treasure map.'

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'This is your lucky day!'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'