Compensation Comedians Gifts

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'Very funny!'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."