Compassion Skeptics Gifts

'If you're such a compassionate conservative, name one thing you're compassionate about!'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

Cupid misses his shot.

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Yes, but.

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Nature can be cruel, but occasionally there are instances of great compassion."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

The Good Samaritan.

Second Thoughts Wedding

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."