Company Workshop Gifts

'Those remaining employees who still do not have a pink slip, and are now willing to work more hours for less pay, raise your hands...NOW!'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"We only got six days of funding."

Group Think Time

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

National Boss Monument.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Torn-Off Mouse.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"Lovely dovetail."