Company Event Gifts

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'To help with our phishing and pharming issues, corporate lent two of their top security experts to us for this month.'

'Yes, I'll be in in a minute. I'm just rehearsing some candid remarks.'

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

At the Hamilton Beach company mixer.

CEO wears a Happy Mask at meeting.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'Thank you for the memo on carpooling, sir, but we don't have enough for a carpool due to the layoffs.'

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

"If we appoint any more executives, there'll be nobody to do the work."

"He's more carrot, I'm more stick"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Inclusive speech

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"We're a very small international conglomerate."