Company Name Critique Gifts

"I think you should change the company name, Mr Swill"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

Finally! There comes my most important man!

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'Let's get with it, Miss Ogden -- Spread some papers around on my desk!'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I can't help but think that coming here is a total waste of time"

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

'Or we can ask the government for a bailout.'

Federal Department of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!

"You're all redundant."

"It was just a little setback - but the boss had away of making seem much larger."

BP is compensating those affected by the black tide in Gulf of Mexico...

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

Organizational Flow Chart: Puppets

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

Corporate policy is that this company is now paperless. Please use hand.